New Tricks

It feels like it wasn’t that long ago when a few quick sit ups could help me feel better about myself or to help me fit in to my favourite dress or when a quick 5K run would clear my head and help me make better decisions or when a 3 day juice fast would help me find focus and clarity for my day or for what it seemed at the time my life.

I came to rely on these old tricks to get me feeling better about myself and they worked, until recently.

I remember a time when I could starve myself for the day and just drink water and that night would confidently slip into my favourite pair of jeans or dress and head out dancing all night with my sisters, get up early the next day go to the gym then work.

If today I starved myself all day and just drank water my body would hold onto the water thinking I was stranded in a desert and retain the water so it could be used to save my life. And the chances of me going dancing all night get less and less likely by the hour because now I feel bloated and I know nothing I love will fit me.

If I starved myself today and just drank water I would find myself on the toilet for most of the day, feel cranky because I am hungry and irritable because the old tricks are not working…

I still want to feel good that’s the thing. I still want to feel pretty and fit and strong and healthy enjoying my day, my health, my work and my wardrobe.

So, is it time for me to surrender the old tricks for new tricks?

Well, yes but not without a fight it seems.

Circling back to the old tricks that used to have me feeling good about myself really quickly like hitting the gym hard, it turns out now hitting the gym hard also hits my body hard and although I do feel some benefit like feeling very strong and powerful I’m afraid that strength and endurance I was feeling did not translate that well in photographs.

Turns out that standing on a half angle in a group photo quickly resulted in me looking like a front row forward and sadly not the trim and strong woman I thought I was maintaining.

To my shock and horror after a few months of hitting the gym hard I had gained 6kg… What the actual F?

Everything I read informed me that I had gained muscle, so that’s what that was hiding under the tummy rolls…

It seems my head remembers how the old tricks worked miracles but the body has moved on, desperate for me to do the same and perhaps update my feel good strategy.

After years of trying to figure out what the new tricks are for life at 50+ I keep asking myself this question What does make me feel good now? To then realise it was easier to answer What doesn’t make me feel good now and release it from my life.

Here’s a snapshot of what doesn’t make me feel good, intermittent fasting, big calorie eating, high intensity workouts every day, talking badly about myself, avoiding the mirror, worrying about where to stand in a group photo, frustrating myself with dresses that have buttons, being told by fitness experts that I have to “ think about my relationship with food”, nearly throat punched him for that! And talking to Doctor after Doctor giving me the same response It’s just your age, it’s just Meno, Do you exercise? Arrrggghhh!!

After many conversations with other women of my vintage we all pretty much concluded that we had tried everything except actually relaxing and being happy.

Eating carrots all day and feeling guilty about all the ‘wrong things’ I was eating is not relaxing and does not make me happy.

What did make me happy was finding a Doctor and other health care practitioners that actually listen and hear me, finally!

I got the correct blood tests done to see what my hormones are doing, figured out the type of exercise that makes me feel strong and healthy without annihilating my body, take rest days when I want them, not exhausting myself with being in my head with old bad self chatter and I worked out what foods actually suit my body and taste good.

The new tricks I have included in my life are things like reminding myself I have a choice with what I do and how I do it, that it’s more than ok to enjoy my businesses than get caught up in the busyness of being busy and dragging myself through my day.

That I prefer road trips over late nights, going out for morning tea or lunch rather than dinner, sticking to the yes’s and no’s of my day and putting myself first more often.

When I think about the things I could easily do when I was younger it also has me reflecting on the things I couldn’t easily do when I was younger, like spot a liar, know when I was being taken advantage of, stand up for myself and not find it that easy to say no to things I actually didn’t want to do.

I didn’t know how to respect my time and easily gave it away to people who would only want more of it and give me less in return.

I didn’t know that people could disguise their actions with fancy words and a handsome face and how they could have me second guessing myself so I didn’t figure out who they truly are.

Now as an apparently wise older woman of 50 something barely visible to the general population I find some things very easy to detect and not accept. I can also move the world almost undetected which gives me a sense of freedom to do what I want to do without worrying about what other people are thinking.

I can clearly hear a fake apology like ‘ I am sorry if you feel like I upset you’ and am acutely aware of when I am about to apologise for something that does not require an apology and I am quick to stop myself from throwing someone a thank you parade for doing something that only required one thank you.

I am aware of the twinges of jealousy I feel when I see young women of the world and in the world bouncing around living their best life and feeling that they know more than I did at their age but got over myself with the help of a blow out at my hairdresser.

What I found myself doing was searching up women who are similar age to me and reading their stories and perspectives on life and how they do life and run their businesses and travelling to Florence, Italy to meet and join a gorgeous small group of women to talk about our lives so far. Sharing our stories and insights and encouraging each other to write our first novel or memoir.

This encouraged me to tune into myself on a more regular basis and decide what I want to be doing or not doing based on how I am feeling at the time and it’s all ok.

I have become more aware of what I can do because I am 50+ and what I would never have had the courage to do when I was younger.

I am blessed now with some deep and wise advice to hand out at this age even if it’s only to the girl in the mirror and maybe I do have a few new tricks up my sleeve which keeps me curious and interesting.

Christine